What do ladies like more than orgasms? Yes, ice cream, but also: MULTIPLE ORGASMS. With this in mind, we asked relationship expert Issy Wharton and her sexy advice-giving friends to reveal how you could be better in bed. Here’s what they said…
DON’T: FORGET ABOUT FOREPLAY
“We’re women not sports cars,” explains Wharton. “We don’t go from 0-60 in four seconds. So if you rush for our vajayjay you’ll crash and burn on your first lap.”
DO: TAKE TIME TO ENJOY THE SCENERY
“Rather than being in a desperate hurry to get to your destination explore and enjoy her body,” says Sara Dappiano, from sex toy emporium Coco de Mer (coco-de-mer.com), “Your hands and lips are perfect for this, but if you want an extra thrill try blindfolds, feather ticklers or lickable lubes.”
Don’t go digit mad
DON’T: TRY TO STICK AS MANY FINGERS AS YOU CAN UP THERE
“It’s my vagina, not a glove,” says FHMGirlfriend Seren. “End of story.”
DO: VARY THE PENETRATION
“Start foreplay by stimulating her clitoris so that she’s wet and ready for when you put your fingers inside her,” instructs Georgina Childs. “When she’s wet and ready, use two fingers at most and make sure you vary the penetration between shallow and deep.”.
DON’T: KEEP SAWING AWAY
“Ignore the Kama Sutra and your mate ‘Top Shagger’ Ben,” says our Issy. “Good sex lasts between 10 and 30 minutes. Crap sex lasts less than 10. Boring and painful sex lasts over half an hour.”
DO: ADMIT DEFEAT
“You don’t have to come,” states Tracey Cox, author of Sex SOS (available atamazon.co.uk). “Men fixate over orgasms, but women don’t come every time they have sex, so why should men? Admit defeat, make sure your lady is pleasured and then try again, probably after fewer drinks, tomorrow.”
DON’T: BLOW ON HER VAGINA
…or in her ear. “We’re out to get whoever told blokes that girls liked this,” warnsFHMGirlfriend Seren. “It’s not hot, it’s ITCHY.”
DO: LICK HER LABIA
“If you want to mix things up during oral sex, then instead of focusing all your attention on her clitoris, lick slowly and softly down either side of her labia using the flat of your tongue,” recommends journalist and sexpert Georgina Childs.
DON’T: SUCK HER NIPPLES
“Too much sucking makes us feel like we’re feeding a suckling child and the noise is pretty off-putting,” reveals Wharton.
DO: FREEZE, WARM, FLICK OR PINCH THEM
“Here are some good general ideas,” says Mikaya Heart, author of The Ultimate Guide To Orgasm For Women. “Ice can be delightful, but some women prefer warmth, so if that’s the case take a mouthful of warm water and dribble it over her breasts slowly, holding them together. Some women love to have their nipples flicked, then pinched as they get more erect. Or, if she likes heavy-duty sensation, try gripping and tweaking the nipple once she is more aroused. Whatever you do, vary the speed and pressure, until you find what works best.
Sort out your thrust
DON’T: TRY THE FIGURE OF EIGHT THRUST
“It’s not your ‘special move’,” yawns FHMGirlfriend Seren. “Everyone does it and everyone should stop doing it, because it really, really does nothing for us.”
DO: LIE BACK AND ENJOY
“If you really want to treat your girl, let her hop on and take control,” says Amy Levine. “She’ll either move in a circular motion or up and down. Either way, let her enjoy herself until she begins to lose her stamina, then give her a hand by holding her bum to help her move.”
It’s in the eyes…
DON’T: ASK QUESTIONS
“‘Did you like that? Was that right? Is this OK?’ No. No. No. No,” says Bekka Bowling. “Asking for mid-session feedback is the worst thing a man can do in the bedroom, aside from erotically dancing with Star Warsmemorabilia, which actually happened to me.”
DO: USE YOUR EYES
“Watch her body language and take your direction from that,” advises sex coach Amy Levine. “If she’s making faces out of discomfort or pushing you away, then adjust what you’re doing, but if she’s letting herself go and pulling you in, keep doing what you’re doing.” And if you simply must ask? “Say something like, ‘This feels amazing, how can I make you feel as great?’” says Levine.
Mind the wrong ‘un
DON’T: JUST SLIP IT IN THE WRONG HOLE
“This is the ultimate no-go,” says journalist and sex expert Georgina Childs. “Anal sex may be a fantasy for blokes, but a lot of women don’t want to try it at all, let alone do it without talking about it.”
“And don’t even think about slipping your finger in there without asking either,” concludes Sampson.
DO: DISCUSS YOUR FANTASIES
“Reveal your anal fantasy in the context of asking what she wants to try in the bedroom,” says Childs. “This way it won’t seem one-sided. Note: if she says yes, use lots of lube, take it slowly and make sure she feels she can tell you to stop if she doesn’t like it.”
Talk the talk
DON’T: TALK LIKE YOU’RE IN A PORNO
“There is nothing funnier than men having a bash at ‘dirty talk’,” says comedian Bekka Bowling. “If a guy camply growls, ‘You totally like that, don’t you, you saucy bitch’, it’s scientifically impossible not to laugh.”
DO: TALK EROTICALLY
“Stop telling her you want to fuck her brains out and start telling her exactly what you want to do, without being raunchy, or doing that lip snarl,” says Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of igniteyourpleasure.com. “Just look her in the eyes and give her good erotic talk.”
DON’T: RIP HER PANTS OFF
“It’s not a film and they cost £12,” says Issy Wharton. “We want you to admire the posh underwear we bought on your suggestion, not chuck it on the floor after two seconds.”
DO: SLIP THEM TO ONE SIDE
“Pulling her pants to one side can be a massive turn on,” reveals sex expert Tracey Cox (traceycox.com). “This is especially true if you’re having a quickie somewhere other than the bedroom, as it allows a girl to have fun without worrying about how quickly she can pull her pants back up if someone interrupts.”